My boyfriend Corey and I had an opportunity to go to New York City this summer to celebrate my 21st birthday. It was an amazing trip, but since we only had about 48 hours in the city, I spent way too much effort trying to make sure each detail was perfect and we did as much as we could.
For example, choosing a dining location was exhausting. Instead of taking the carefree approach and walking into whatever restaurant looked good, I searched and looked at websites and read reviews and tried to ensure I picked the absolute best restaurant. There was one restaurant we had wanted to try, but probably 35 percent of the reviews were negative.
I reread the reviews, and probably took 45 minutes to decide whether or not we should eat there. For some reason, in that moment, picking a restaurant was the most stressful thing I had encountered in weeks. In the grand scheme of things, strangers' words about a restaurant really don't matter at all. In that moment, however, I was willing to let the advice of someone I did not know decide where I should eat.
Finally, Corey convinced me to try the restaurant, and he said if I hated it, we could go somewhere else. We got there and it was fantastic! We were greeted by great food, good service and a relaxing atmosphere. I ended up feeling silly that I panicked about such a small decision. I felt even sillier that a simple post on a website made me so concerned.
Taking people's advice is always a tempting choice, and sometimes it can lead to really exciting opportunities and ideas. The people around us have all had different experiences and have words of wisdoms and lessons to share that can be very beneficial. We can learn from other people's mistakes, and hopefully avoid walking down a painful or troublesome path.
I myself am a huge advice taker, in almost every aspect of my life. Pretty much any semi-big decision I need to make, I ask Corey what I should do first. I call my mom multiple times a week to see what she has to offer. I ask my roommate Katie to approve my outfits. I will not sign up for classes without confirming each individual class with my adviser, even though I am a senior. If you know me, this might be surprising. I tend to have a dominant personality. I tend to say what I mean, even if I shouldn't say it. I have a blunt personality, with a tendency to be a wee bit controlling.
As much as I don't want to admit it, I don't have a lot of confidence, at least not in regards to my own life. I tend to be pretty confident in making decisions for The Rotunda, for example, but if it is a personal decision, that's one I simply cannot make on my own. The nerves, the worry that I will make the wrong choice, the dreaded feeling in the pit of my stomach, always send me running to someone else, just to have them reassure me that the decision I am making is the right one. Or that I am an idiot and need to back track right away.
I'm not sure why I cannot make a decision. I would not call it indecisive, per se. It's more that I have an idea in mind about what I want; I just want someone else to tell me the same thing too. I think I have just gotten so used to getting advice that now I am unsure how to take a step forward without it. And I know many people just like me. I know a lot of people who seek advice before making any steps.
Cue the "believe in yourself" inspirational quotes and harmonizing music. I'm serious though. When did we get so dependent on each other? Classes, for example. Every semester I have been asked by a ton of people which classes to take and which professors to take. That's all well and good, but when five different people have five different opinions about five different classes, juggling everyone's opinion can become a battle itself.
There is certainly a market for the indecisive. Bing search engine, for example. It's marketed as a decision engine. An automated website is now the deciding factor in some people's lives. Yahoo! Answers is another example of this idea. You go, post a question, and have people all over the world weigh in and give you advice.
I've gone on Yahoo! Answers to get cooking tips before, but the medical section is downright ridiculous. These strangers are offering medical advice, and sometimes it is horrible! But we look at it because it's easier to trust what someone has to say when they seem like they know what they are talking about than it is to follow your own intuition.
The newest installment of gathering advice is Twitter. Corey tweeted over the summer about what kind of ice cream he should eat, and he used the hash tag #asktwitter. I thought he was bored and making up some ridiculous thing, but when I clicked on the hash tag, it took me to a page of all of these random people who were asking advice on Twitter.
This is a challenge to everyone who has trouble making decisions. Take this week to stand up and decide some things. Get dressed without anyone's advice on your outfit. If you always let someone else pick where to eat, you make the decision this weekend. Pick a paper topic without asking eight people for advice. Be a little bit impulsive. Trust yourself. No one knows you better than you do, so no one can tell you what to do better than you can tell yourself. Sorry, I've got to end with a cheesy line: Believe in yourself.
