"He makes me think I'm fat and stupid and no one else would want me." "She doesn't let me hang out with friends. She says she should be enough." "He said if I really loved him, I'd have sex with him."
These are just a couple of examples of red flags in relationships, and campuses all over the country are fighting back to raise awareness.
"The Red Flag Campaign is a campaign to raise awareness for violent relationships on college campuses; through teaching individuals to avoid being bystanders, everyone on college campuses can get involved in reducing violent dating relationships of any nature," explained Clare Burtis, intern for the Longwood Health & Wellness Center. Longwood will be hosting a walk on Stubbs Lawn Friday afternoon, followed by a vigil. The event starts at 3 p.m. and should last until about 5:30 p.m.
According to their website, the Red Flag Campaign is a public awareness campaign designed to address dating violence and promote the prevention of dating violence on college campuses. The campaign was created using a "bystander intervention" strategy, encouraging friends and other campus community members to "say something" when they see warning signs ("red flags") for dating violence in a friend's relationship. The campaign posters reflect racially and ethnically diverse models and illustrate both heterosexual and same-sex relationships.
Longwood hosted a poster campaign in 2009 and added an awareness walk last year. The walk is open to everyone, and it costs nothing to participate. On-site registration starts at 3 p.m. on Stubbs lawn, and donations for Madeline's House are encouraged. They are in need of toiletries, but all donations will be accepted.
Burtis suggested that if someone sees a red flag, they should talk to the individuals with genuine concern, but they should be sure to avoid criticism because it might make the person feel like they need to defend the violent person in the relationship. If that does not work, and the person continues to be involved in an unhealthy relationship, outside forces may be needed.
"I believe this is such an important issue, specifically on college campuses; after all, it was created by college students. College communities create insurmountable stress that can manifest dating violence, especially when couples may live in such close quarters to each other," said Burtis.
She added, "Not only is the apparent issue important, but the underlying bystander effect is just as important and the Red Flag Campaign also helps those individuals become aware of what to do in a situation so they do not become bystanders."
Longwood Wellness Coordinator Sasha Trent explained that the Red Flag Campaign is a public awareness campaign designed to address dating violence and promote the prevention of dating violence on college campuses. More information is available at www.theredflagcampign.org. She said the website is a great resource offering many potential scenarios and suggestions as to what to say and how to handle different situations.
Trent explained that the campaign is based on a bystander intervention model. The posters give people a description of a red flag and a situation and then there is a talk box at the bottom that is an example of what one could say if in the situation.
The issues tackled in the Red Flag Campaign include emotional abuse, cohesion, excessive jealousy, isolation, sexual assault, victim blaming and stalking. Trent stressed that although the Red Flag Campaign is about dating violence, these issues have a tendency to come up in friendships and other relationships as well.
One of the campaign's main supporters is Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance. All of the posters and flags used on campus for the campaign are funded from a grant through Verizon Communications. Longwood is a campus partner, which means Trent attends quarterly meetings to help progress the program. Usually there is a cost for the posters and flags, but Longwood is able to receive them free of charge.
"Come out so you can become aware," said Trent. "None of us are excused from relationship violence. Things happen. We never know who they happen to or when they are going to happen. If we can do our best to be informed and aware, then I think we have a better chance at confronting the issues, surviving through them and participating in healthy relationships."
