Breakups are never easy. You feel sad, hurt, lost and angry among many other feelings. Everything changes. The shared dreams and commitments you had with the other person are lost, friends and social groups the two of you shared may be torn apart, and your sense of identity may be missing. You may be asking yourself "Will I find someone else?" or "Will I end up alone?" You may be thinking something is wrong with you because you are having these feelings. These feelings are normal.
Unfortunately, there is no magical cure for dealing with a loss, but understanding that this process is something nearly everyone goes through may help. Common reactions to loss are grief, sadness, anger, exhaustion, frustration, confusion, anxiety, and feelings of uncertainty. These symptoms may feel overwhelming at times, but this is normal. Accept these reactions; you have permission to feel bad after a breakup. Can you believe that feeling bad is part of the healing process? It is! You must feel bad before you can begin to move on. Although you may not think you can move on, you can! Time and healthy coping strategies are your best allies after a breakup.
Healthy ways to cope are:
1. Accept that you are going to feel bad.
2. Give yourself time to heal.
3. Share your feelings and frustrations with friends/family/other trusted support.
4. Remind yourself that you will find someone else once you have moved on.
5. Remind yourself that no grief lasts forever.
6. Spend time with those who support you.
7. Some people lose friendships from a breakup, join new groups/clubs!
8. Find new things that interest you.
9. Look at community activities or volunteering.
10. Get rest, but not too much.
11. Set a time each day for a relaxing activity (i.e., walking, listening to music, etc.).
12. Eat healthy foods, sleep well and exercise.
13. Create a daily routine for yourself and stick to it!
14. If you are having trouble reaching out to others, consider joining a support group or counseling.
Avoid the following as they are unhealthy coping mechanisms:
1. Isolating yourself from others.
2. Fighting your feelings.
3. Getting stuck in anger, resentment or blame.
4. Making any major decisions right after the breakup.
5. Coping with alcohol, drugs or excessive food intake.
*Self harming thoughts or acts are NOT healthy coping mechanisms. They will NOT get you the result you want (to feel better). If you are having these thoughts, please contact the Counseling Center.
Learning how to deal with a breakup and move on in a healthy manner is a very rewarding experience. Although it may be difficult to see the positives while you are experiencing symptoms, you become a stronger and wiser person after you've conquered it.
Please come join Dr. Maureen Walls-McKay and Heather Hammock, Practicum Student, for a one session outreach to learn more about loss and healthy coping mechanisms.
Date: Tuesday, Nov. 8.
Time: 7-8 p.m.
Place: Classroom 305 in the Health and Fitness Center
