Jamie Clift, The Rotunda's longtime features editor, is studying abroad in Valencia, Spain at the Institute of Spanish Studies during the spring 2012 semester. Having stepped down from her position as features editor for the time being, Ja mie Clift has charitably taken it upon herself to assume the role as The Rotunda's official Foreign Correspondent. In doing so, she will document her traveling experiences as an exchange student in each issue of The Rotunda.
In honor of Valentine's Day, I'd like to address the subject of love. What I have to say probably won't look good on a card to your sweetheart, but I believe that, at this time of year, everyone needs a healthy dose of realism. Here it is.
I've never been one for mushy, romantic stuff. It annoys me immensely. Don't get me wrong, I am a girl and I like getting flowers and being told I'm beautiful, but there has to be a place where I draw the line. I never want to let love get in the way of adventure.
Right now, I'm studying in a beautiful foreign country. This is a once in a lifetime experience. It's a big deal, and I think it would be stupid of me to let a relationship stop me from having an amaz ing time.
Long distance relationships have to be tough. I'm not trying to be insensitive, and I understand what it means to really care about someone and to miss them immensely.
My roommate Ashton is handling her rela tionship beautifully. She talks to her boyfriend as much as she can, but still enjoys herself and explores the city with me. She realizes how awe some it is that we're in Spain right now.
There's nothing wrong with missing someone, worrying about them, or mentioning them fre quently in conversation, but there comes a point at which it is unhealthy.
One of my classmates here is a prime example. She Skypes her boyfriend every single day from a computer room shared with the rest of the Ameri can students here. Because a lot of us here don't have Internet access at out apartments, we are in there quite a bit. So, any time I'm writing, doing my homework or checking my Facebook, I get to hear it.
It's the same thing every time. My classmate loves him. She misses him. She's read his 500 beautifully written emails and letters and has loved every single thing he's said.
Earlier today, my classmate was telling him that she thought he was "guapisimo," (really, re ally handsome) not just "guapo" (handsome). It makes me want to throw up. They run out of things to talk about, so she continues to go on and on about how being here is going to make her a better person and change her. She talks about embracing Spain, but I imagine that's hard to do when you talk to your boyfriend for more than three hours at a time, multiple times every day.
She won't go out with other people who go to school with us, and she freaks out any time she even talks to a Spanish man. She says it doesn't feel right. There's definitely a difference between practicing Spanish with someone because they are a native speaker and asking them out on a date. But apparently, this is a difficult distinction for some.
Maybe I just don't get it. I'm perpetually single, and most of the time, I'm okay with that. I tell my self that since I am a confident, intelligent woman, I don't need a man in my life. I can allow one into my life if I so choose. So, I might not be qualified to give relationship advice, or if you want to be in a successful relationship, you might not want to take it. But, I think you should. I would rather be interesting and single than obsessed with a boy friend to the point that he's all that I think and talk about.
The girl who studies with me isn't the only ex ample I've seen. Even worse, an incredibly smart, beautiful girl whom I went to high school with gave up a college education to get married and follow her high school boyfriend-turned-husband like some sort of lost puppy. Some people think this sort of thing is sweet. I think it's sickening.
I really believe that it's important for everyone, men and women, to make sure they are not let ting a relationship keep them from doing amaz ing things.
Please don't ever give up on your dreams just to have a boyfriend. And if anyone ever sees me do something like this, please let me know so I can take a step back and straighten my priorities back out.
I know I, like any other college student, have plenty of time to find someone who I truly love being with, who also understands that I need my space. I like being free to go where I want, spend time with my friends and focus on my studies. I'll never be the type to Skype someone every day, write a plethora of mushy letters or overuse the word "love."
I know that after saying all of that, I might seem cynical. But don't misunderstand all of this as a rant about how love is a terrible thing, or my proclamation that I've given up on men. It's far from that. I just think everyone should take the time to find themselves before they try to find someone else.
