Imagine this: you know something no one else knows, it's buried deep inside you. A secret you're too scared to express every single time someone mentions anything similar to it ... you want to scream. Everyone is looking at you, their eyes piercing your skin; you can feel their com ments cling to you.
You don't know what to do, but you just have to tell somebody. You go to someone whom you think you can trust, the one person who under stands. You tell them you have something to say privately. You choke on your words. You want to say it, but it won't come out. You try and try, but every time you try, it hurts.
You get second thoughts. "They're going to judge me; why am I like this?" Your hands start to shake … you can't help it. You're scared; you don't know what to do. Tears start trick ling down your face, your throat burns. "What are they going to say?" You think to yourself. You build up a small amount of courage, your thoughts are racing, adrenaline rushing, heart pounding, then it just slips out: "I'm gay."
Throughout my life experiences, I've encoun tered many people who are scared of persecu tion and denial. They are afraid their friends are going to think differently of them, they are afraid no one is going to love them. They come to me and admit their sexual orientation, whether it be homosexuality or bisexuality, and ask me to keep their little secret.
I promise them that I would always be there for them and cherish my oath. These people have come all over campus, from different clubs and organizations, and from different backgrounds of life.
Coming out to one person alone is an incred ibly tough thing to do, it's an emotional journey in itself, and many people feel isolated if they don't. You feel so alone and you think the world is just staring at you. You question yourself all the time; you wonder if there's any way you could be different. Tears well up in your eyes whenever you think about it; you just want to sit alone and think. I know what it's like ...
So I make promises to many people, saying I will keep their secret and help them out in their journey. I let them know it is going to be a long and hard battle, but in the end they will be happy. If they want to just tell me and talk to me about it, there's nothing wrong with that either. I just listen.
However, what gets on my nerves is when people try to pry my secret box open and attempt to get names out of me. Actually, this has oc curred quite often. It actually happened this past weekend. The people who approach me for the names and secrets are those who are only looking to gain something or to degrade someone, which I feel is the lowest anyone can go. What kind of person does that? How immature and disrespect ful do you have to be to ask me to disclose that kind of information? It's not right; it's inhumane.
I made an oath to these individuals and I will forever keep their secrets locked away. It's not my decision to out them, and it's not my say whether or not they open up. I am just there to console them and to catch them when they fall.
I am not going to put these people's business out there so you can try to flirt with them, try to "change" them or try to degrade them. If you've ever tried to do that, you should be ashamed of yourself. We are citizen leaders, people who believe that life should be spent to serve others instead of ourselves. We are here to become even greater leaders, not to become sophomoric fools.
For those of you out there who are feeling alone and need someone to talk to, I encourage you to either come to me or talk to your Resident As sistant (RA). I am always here to help you, and I will always be here to listen.
If you need to just talk about things I can help you out. I am impartial and am not here to judge ... I am here to guide you and pick you up when you fall. I will keep your secrets and keep ev erything confidential, and so will your RA. You are not alone my dears, there's no need to keep things bottled up. You are an amazing person no matter who you are; don't let your fears consume you and prevent you from being the fantastic person you truly are.
