Last week we met several Lancer couples who have become engaged and are planning a wedding while in college. This week, they are back to talk about what it is like to be engaged. Some of the couples both go to Longwood, but several of the brides to be have grooms back home or at another school.
Marissa Del Priore and Dimitri Kabir are involved in a long distance engagement. Del Priore says communication can be a little weird at times, but it is nothing they cannot sort out. "He is my best friend. No one else has that title," she explained. Carlisle Parker and Ethan Davidhizar also have a long distance engagement. Parker said they have learned to be two different people who don't have to be together all the time. Courtney Carroll and Ian Simpkins are also in a long distance engagement.
Brides in particular have received a variety of reactions from friends. "I've heard horror stories of catty friends, but I think my friends were starting to expect it," explained Parker. Laura Reese, who is engaged to Cabot Armentrout, found that her friends who were in relationships were expecting it, but she felt like her single friends may have pulled away a little bit. "[It is a] whole new experience they couldn't relate to," she explained.
"My friends treat me differently ... little stabs here or there, life is so perfect or life is over," explained Andrea Miller, who is engaged to Andrew McCullagh. She said overall she has not gotten negative feedback, and she just laughs off the little comments.
Jena Webster and Alex Brown plan on waiting until Webster is done with graduate school and they both have jobs. They want to be able to afford to have the wedding they desire. "A couple people are like, 'Oh, you're going to be engaged for that long,'" said Webster, but both said a long engagement doesn't faze them.
Carrie Mowrey and Ben Morton found that friends who were close in high school were suddenly close again. Mowrey and Morton are recently engaged, so little plans are made, but she does plan on taking his last name and having children one day.
Some professors have also weighed in. Carroll is an English major, and one of her professors wants her to write the process into a story for a nonfiction piece. Other professors have encouraged them to take it slow, and high school teachers are very excited for them. Colleen O'Toole, who is engaged to Adam Teachey, had talked to her professors about the wedding, and they know how stressful it is. "They know that I wouldn't make a decision off the whim," she said.
One thing couples in college often face is the idea they are "too young" to be engaged and getting married. "Some people have mentioned that they feel like we are too young, but that's their opinion, and they don't know our relationship the way we do. We have both been ready for a while," said Teachey. Teachey and O'Toole, who are set to be married this June, find that some people are shocked that they are getting married so quickly, but Teachey explained he has a set job with the Army, making the circumstance a bit more unusual.
Parker said she has gotten some negative feedback from people who think they are too young to be getting married. "It's just both sides of the coin. Some people think it's a good idea, some think it's not. We know it's right, and that's all that matters."
"My mom keeps urging us to wait as long as possible," said Ashley Harris, who is engaged to Nicholas Joyce.
"The important thing to is be independent, not dependent on each other," added Harris.
Miller's mom was 30 when she got married, and Miller senses some hesitancy with how young she is. "I think she wishes she had some more time. That's why we are waiting ... Let's slow things down," Miller explained. Miller said she and McCullough have a strong relationship, and they know how to be independent together, which she thinks will help them in the future.
Carroll is having a long engagement because she and Simpkins did not want to rush into anything. "We can't see ourselves with anyone else, but we are going to take it slow and just make sure we get to the right point in our lives before we actually get married," Matt Nolte graduates in 2013, so in the meantime, Mallory Pendleton plans on trying to secure a job and save money. Pendleton said when they were picking a date, their parents suggested pushing it back a little bit, but other than that there are no worries about them being too young.
Miller said the difficult thing is that she has seen a lot of Virginia-based companies come to Longwood, but since she is moving to Raleigh she cannot interview for them. Also, she will be competing with UNC and NC State graduates, and local employers are less likely to know of Longwood, so she might have more trouble getting her foot in the door.
One concern that arose with several couples is the transition with finances. "I worry about financial things. I know it will work out, but I do worry about everything," explained Pendleton. O'Toole said finances were her biggest concern. Mowrey said she is also worried about finances. She explained that she felt it was easier to merge bank accounts and such when you actually had assets.
Overall, none of the couples feel like in-laws will be a hurdle to jump. Many couples stated close relationships with each others' families. Carroll and Simpkin's dads are best friends, so their families remain close. Their families are also very supportive. "I never thought my parents would be so for it at a young age, but they are," said Carroll.
James Early and Liz Chassey have a lot of support from their families. "We don't have any scary in-law stories, which is great," said Chassey. Both Chassey and Early's parents got married young. Webster and Smith feel like they have a lot of support from their families as well. They plan on living together before they are married, and she will take his last name.
Del Priore and Kabir would like to live together before they are married, and she does plan on taking his last name. She is thinking about keeping hers as well, but she does not want to hyphenate. Parker and Davidhizar are waiting to live together. "We are youth group leaders, so we are trying to set a good example. We want to make sure we can look them in the eye and tell them everything we are telling you we have done."
Chassey and Early are not sure if they will live together before marriage. Early explained that socially with the possibility of an economic hardship, he didn't want them to get caught up in the idea of what is proper. Both realize that it may be a touchy subject for their families. They also see having children and adopting children in their future. Armentrout has already bought a home, and Reese lives with him when she goes home for break.
Pendleton and Nolte are getting married a month after his graduation. She does plan on taking his name, and they do want to have children eventually, although they joked that Nolte would be the fun parent and Pendleton would be the organized parent.
Check back in next week for the final installment in which we talk to the brides about what they envision for their wedding.
