So we’ve all heard the stories before. It’s the same deal every single year. “Oh deary me, those darned hooligans burning couches are putting ketchup stains on Longwood’s tuxedo shirt” or whatever. The idea behind this tradition is that to celebrate the first day of no classes due to snow, students will burn a couch. I’m told this is a bad thing.
Although, I’m not sure why everyone is crying over spilled ketchup. Perhaps we should just stop wearing white shirts when playing around with dangerous condiments.
One of the biggest issues with the whole couch burning phenomenon is the legality of the thing, as it falls dangerously close to the realm of arson. However, after doing some research, (a very quick Google search because I have a short attention span) I’m not sure this qualifies. Now, fair warning, I’m about as good at reading legalese as I am at writing intelligently worded and researched columns, which is to say, not at all. However, from what I can decipher, as long as the couch is the property of whoever is burning it, and is not being destroyed with malicious intent, then it’s no different than a regular bonfire. Now if this is the case, then there really is no big deal right? I mean you don’t see a bunch of people getting mad at kids for destroying firewood. Now, just to cover my own ass here, I am just a graphic design major, writing this column while simultaneously stuffing my face with cold pizza, and am in no way qualified to offer legal advice or, god forbid, permission to burn couches, this is just what I found and understood of the arson laws from a quick Google search. I don’t care what you do with your time, just don’t say the rotunda columnist told you to do it. Cool? Cool. I’d much rather not have to flee to Mexico.
Now, as far as the relative safety concerns of burning couches go, burning an oblong chair isn’t any more dangerous than a bonfire. There is, of course, always the chance of catching a stray spark on your pants or melting the sole of your shoe, however, if you are operating with even the slightest amount of common sense, then this shouldn’t be a problem. Remember kids, fire hot!
Anyway, let me wind down my rant to actually try and get to some sort of point. If you’re the lazy person who is just skimming this column, this is the part you should skip to. What I’m getting at is not that couch burning is necessarily the best way for students to spend time or to celebrate an off day from school, but that it’s not something that needs to be the big deal that we turn it into. It’s just college kids having fun, like all college kids at all colleges do, so who really cares? This town is half furniture stores anyway its not like we don’t have an excess of couches going around.
Whatever it is you do to celebrate being off from school, be safe, have fun, and if you like to participate in couch burning, don’t mention my name. Thanks.
