The moment has finally come. It’s time to pull out your hot cocoa, reindeer-adorned fuzzy socks and festive lights! It’s true, all you enthusiastic Christmas lovers and cynical Thanksgiving-ers. It’s Christmas time!
That’s right. I said it.
It is one week before Thanksgiving break, and I officially declare it to be Christmas season.
Some people may be taken aback by this, insisting that it is time to celebrate stuffing bread up a turkey’s behind and baking it. Sadly, some people are wrong.
Thanksgiving is potentially the most depressing holiday we have as a nation. It’s a day built upon putting our presidential protesting aside and admitting we are thankful for some things on one day each year (never fear, it will still be acceptable to be a whiny jerk on social media again the next day).
With all this talk of thankfulness, let’s not forget the history of the holiday and that it is a celebration of peace before the slaughter. While you sit, cozying up with your family, stuffing your faces with carbohydrates and thank you’s, some people spend Thanksgiving being reminded of that time those darn white people pretended to be nice to their ancestors and then murdered them later. They got stitched up.
So no, I don’t think it’s inappropriate to want to skip over the holiday on stakes and go straight for Santafest. It’s just wishful thinking.
Also, I’m sorry America, but it’s time we change our ways and acknowledge that we have a problem.
America with food is like that drunk uncle at family gatherings who has never stopped drinking and doesn’t know when he’s drunk anymore.
All of our holidays have eating as an important part of the celebration. Valentine’s – chocolates, Easter – Easter dinner, Independence Day and Labor Day – barbecues, Halloween – candy, Christmas – Christmas dinner.
Thanksgiving is the worst holiday of all in this regard. The entire day is about food. Heck, the moment we are celebrating is our ancestors eating dinner one day.
So, I’ll just get this over with quick. We need to face it. We’re addicted to grocery shopping.
I know it’s difficult to admit, but it’s true. Think about it; stores know we have this problem. Right around each of these holidays, grocery stores mark up their prices, hoping to entice as many food shopping-addicted Americans as possible. Then, they line the aisles with mass quantities of their most enticing options, just throwing out any food with flaws. Just before each of these holidays, ‘Mericans of all shapes and sizes push their refrigerator-sized carts down the aisles, throwing food in them to their hearts’ content.
It’s becoming unhealthy. I know it. You know it. Everybody knows it.
I’m not suggesting that we stop grocery shopping all together. That’s insane. We have to ween ourselves off. I’m proposing we start with Thanksgiving.
So, yes. I acknowledge that it is about a month and a half before Christmas, but celebrating Christmas early is the best thing to do. It also just brings some people joy to sing the same five songs about snow over and over again. Really, what’s so wrong with that?
