Election Day is on the horizon! After tomorrow, our whole world will be turned on its head. We will either have the first woman president or the first oompa loompa for president (never mind those other guys who are running). It will be a momentous occasion that will lead to the destruction of life as we know it, but not because of any new policy or change in administration.
Over the past year and a half, everyone has been so focused on the election. We’ve pitted ourselves against each other - joining the ranks of Team First First Lady versus Team Annoying Orange (props to Team Elderly Socialist - you all tried).
This was an election that broke the hearts and bamboozled the minds of many. It has torn families and Facebook friendships apart, leaving behind the wreckage of disenchanted millennials and crazed conspiracy theorists.
With all this that we’ve had to cope with in our day to day lives, where does that leave the average citizen?
What are we meant to do with ourselves now that the election will finally be over and we won’t have an excuse to openly hate each other anymore?
Well my friends, it’s time to get a hobby.
I know what you’re thinking. How can stamp collecting or developing my artistic sensibilities fill the gaping hole in my soul that was left when we finally voted?
In short, it won’t.
However, there are some unique and time-consuming hobbies out there that will take mirror the focus, and perhaps even the controversy, that was associated with the 2016 presidential race.
The first on my list of hobbies is playing dead. Everyone thinks it’s adorable when you can train your dog to play dead. Obviously, it will be just as adorable when a full-grown, adult human does it as well. Make sure to position yourself somewhere where people will stumble onto your body. Also, remember to carry open ketchup packets around with you for dramatic effect. The cool thing about the hobby is, not only will you be distracting yourself from the end of the election, but you’ll distract whoever finds your “corpse” as well. It’s a win-win.
Photo-bombing live news reporters is an oldy, but a goody. This hobby is slightly more difficult. I wouldn’t advise it for beginners. First, you have to move to a big city. Then, you should walk around public places, looking for a camera crew. If you’re having difficulty, try following the sounds of sirens. Then, once the crew have the camera in place, jump in and wave as quick as you can. It’s that simple. If you’re still feeling election-withdrawal, try following around politicians. It may make you feel closer to scandal.
Giving away all your money is a fun hobby as well, if you do it in moderation. It’s easy. Just pull all the cash from your bank account and hand it out slowly to passerbys. The stress of financial ruin associated with this hobby will be reminiscent of the intense mental and emotional strain caused by the election.
These hobbies are a few among a list of many that can bring lots of a fun into a person’s life. Just remember, don’t let the last year and a half of emotional turmoil go to waste; go out and vote tomorrow.
