Q1: “Would you rather poop at a party knowing that you'll clog the toilet and everyone will know that it was you, or go in the bushes outside instead?”
This is a great question! This happens to me all the time. I have an addiction to $5 burritos at El Patron, and $5 burritos + a party eight hours later = a whole lot of trouble.
Now, I could change my ways and stop eating burritos before I go to a party. I could also choose to stop going to parties and continue to eat burritos. But, what would be the fun in that?
I need to do both. Every single week.
So, how do I handle these situations, you ask?
Easy. I don’t want to clog the toilet, and I don’t want to go outside lest I get caught. So instead, I take puppy pads with me to parties. I spread them on the floor of the bathroom, and I do my business there. Then, I crumple it up and throw it out the bathroom window. I’ve been doing this for three years now, and I’ve never been caught. I’ve also never had to bring my own toilet paper to a party, so it beats using a bush.
I’m confident in saying it’s fool proof at this point.
Q2: “Do you think crabs look at fish and think of them as how we humans think of birds?”
In short, no.
Let’s break this down, shall we?
Say, you’re a crab, and you’re busy scuttling around in the sand underwater with your crabby friends doing crabby things. One of your friends points toward the sky with their little crabby pinscher. The sun’s beaming down in your eyes, but you can vaguely see the shadowy outline of a creature above you. All of a sudden, it swoops down and grabs your friend in its mouth and EATS THEM right before your eyes. Then, you’re in the middle of mourning for your friend when a strange, five-appendaged creature splashes into the water, grabs you, puts you in a tank, takes you to an unknown place and eventually drops you into a vat of boiling water.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen a bird – whether blue jay or hawk – swoop down and eat my friends. So, there’s that.
To my other point, crabs are not like humans. Humans eat crabs. Crabs don’t eat humans. So, I don’t think they see anything the way we do.
