Q1: “Help. I still have 200 bonus dollars, and it’s May. What should I do?”
Let me start by congratulating you. Most college students do not have the level of self-control or appreciation for Dhall food to end the year with 200 bonus dollars left. Good on you.
At this point, bonus dollars are quite the commodity. You could just go on a spending spree and use the remainder of the semester to eat fast food non-stop, OR you could use it to your advantage. Nobody wants to be stuck eating Dhall food for two and a half weeks straight (What’s up with that exam schedule, anyway?), but that’s exactly the situation that a lot of students are in right now (Did you read Vivian’s Dhall article from last week?).
So, trade them for things you need but can’t afford as you’re stuck with bonus dollars, which are truly useless unless you want a bursting burrito or sketchy sushi anyway.
Need a couple of blue books for exam week? Make some poor hungry fool give you theirs in exchange for two Krispy Kreme donuts, purchased with bonus dollars. Need allergy medicine because the pollen has clogged your sinuses and you can no longer see straight? Five donuts. Need a ride to Hampden Sydney? Six donuts.
The possibilities are endless.
We could trade bonus dollar donuts for anything. Cigarettes? Tequila? Those “tobacco-only” bongs from that weird gas station? Donuts.
Editor’s note: The Rotunda does not encourage or condone the use of any drugs or under-age drinking.
Q2: “I go to Charley’s from time to time, and this big nerdo keeps recommending that I get a Reuben instead of the endless Italian buffet. How do I inform him that I can’t continue to talk to him? Or should I just ignore him from now until forever?”
This is a difficult predicament. You could just ghost him, but that’s a little old fashioned for my tastes. It’s 2017. Gotta find new ways to make people feel hurt and un-cared for without using techniques invented in the age of Apple Bottom Jeans and Taylor Swift's “country” phase.
Here are a few 2017-inspired suggestions:
1. Write “Reubens suck” all over campus in chalk and sign the chalk petition. SGA is currently having talks about alleviating the rules against chalk, perhaps only in a “safe-space,” so you need to do it while it’s still cool and breaking the rules. Make a statement.
2. Organize a march on Washington. Get all the pasta-loving, Reuben-hating social justice fighters together and show that big nerdo how you really feel. You can even make pasta hats and call it a movement. Just hope he’s paying attention or cares.
3. Make a meme about it. Unfortunately memes are only popular for about a month at a time, but that’s still longer than people will remember your march or chalk protest. It’s less controversial though.
Go big or maybe just eat the pasta and ignore his suggestion.
