Q1: “How do I quit going to school and begin my Pokémon journey if all these casuals keep having better Pokémon than me in Pokémon Go?”
Unfortunately, this is a topic I don’t have much experience with. Although, there is an obvious answer. You have to one-up the casuals. You can’t let them take your rightful place as Pokémon King/Queen, especially if they are only playing as a hobby. Here’s what you need to do.
You need to find REAL Pokémon. I’m not talking cartoon ones or stuffed animal ones or card ones or virtual video game ones. I’m talking about living, breathing Pokémon.
It sounds easy, but it’s more difficult than it seems. Pokémon can’t just be found frolicking in the wood of Farmville, and as you are stuck here until you get enough cred in Pokémon Go, you might be at a disadvantage.
Let’s think about this logically. What is a squirtle, really? It’s a turtle with a swirly tail. So, all you have to do is find a turtle and tape a swirly tail on its butt. BAM. Instant Pokémon. Pikachu: yellow cat with a tail that’s broken in two places. Eevee: a fox with a fluffy mane around its neck.
Once you collect them all, then and only then, will you beat the casuals.
Good luck getting them into the little balls. That’s all you.
Another option is that you could just wait it out. The casuals will be getting bored of Pokémon Go any minute now, if they haven’t already.
Q2: “What song should I sing for karaoke?”
Here’s the issue with this question: karaoke is so 1995. The new thing these days is spoken word poetry or slam poetry.
Why sing a song that someone else wrote and everyone has heard a million times (because let’s be honest, indie hasn’t made it to karaoke yet), when you can passionately rant about the issues in front of a bunch of other angst-junkies?
Also, slam poetry is easy. You can write it ahead of time and rehearse it, OR you can be improvisational and edgy. It’s a great way to bring attention to uncomfortable subjects that most people would otherwise avoid talking about - like depression, eating disorders, politics, poverty - the list goes on. The best part: if you’re busy ranting passionately, people will be so enthralled by your intensity that they won’t have time to bother paying attention to the poetic quality of your rant.
You may ask, isn’t poetry about word play and the musicality of words? The answer is no, at least not anymore.
It’s 2017. It’s okay to sacrifice the beautiful manipulation of words for meaning. That’s why people stopped reading poetry in the first place; it got too artsy.
So, let go of your fanciful ideas of getting discovered through bellowing other people’s music into a microphone at a bar while words go across a screen. We both know you’re going to be off-key. Pick up the mic and make people feel guilty about the quality of their lives for ten minutes. It’s more expressive, and you can bet people will be talking about it for a long, long time.
